Going throught the motions....

Well I have not been on here in awhile, nothing has really changed on our adoption status.  We are still waiting and searching between infant adoption and sibling set adoption.  We passed our foster licensing homestudy and are on week 6 of 7 classes, after classes our paperwork can be sent into the state of Michigan for approval then we just wait for a match.  I have not had much emotion on the adoption, I am kind of numb.  I am excited about starting a family but do not get excited when someone tells me there is someone they know considering giving their baby up for adoption, because I have heard it to many times and it NEVER happens.  They say there are children (sibling sets) that need homes but our agency doesn't have any.  I have been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and that has been keeping me busy, running 4H keeps me busy, reading books (I know weird) on adoption is keeping me busy, working is keeping me busy, and of course the animals keep me busy. 
I wish I knew why this was taking so long, I wish we would have been the minority and been placed already.  I wish this wasn't so hard like everything else in our lives!  The longer we wait, the harder it is.  The more you start thinking, what have I done to deserve this?  What is wrong with us, why has no one chosen us?  Is it our house?  Is it our animals?  Is it us, are we too fat?  What, what is the freaking problem?!?!?! 
Trust me I have plenty of days where I start to think I want to give up!  Throw the towel in, just be the best Aunt and Uncle possible, be the best 4H leader, and the best Big Sister.