Surviving

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react."  Well last week was a rough week.  My Dad was in the hospital, on my floor, in the beginning of the week and my husband was in the hospital, on my floor, at the end of the week.  My Dad was in for yet another spontantenous infection and my husband for back problems.  I was instantly reminded why I work on the floor I work on at Munson, the care my boys received was beyond my imagination.  The professionalism, attitude, and compassion was absolutely appreciated.  Unfortunately I was still a basket case and not my chipper self.  Worried about the health of my boys, lack of sleep, taking care of the farm by self, and my birthday weekend plans crushed. 

On top of all this we received an e-mail from the adoption agency.  Not one but two birthmothers came in to Child and Family Services and we were not chosen to be one of the couples to be interviewed, the birthmothers choose three couples out of the potential adoptive couple pool at the agency to interview.  There are only 11 couples in our pool and 6 out 11 couples were chosen to interview and guess what we were not one of them.  So we read and called our worker and asked why?  She said one of the birthmothers said it sounded like the baby would in daycare all the time and the other because we did not have our infertility sob story typed out for her to read.  I was just empty, I didn't know what to say or do so as I was in the hospital room with my husband I just lost it want started crying.  I had nothing left, really the week just had hit rock bottom at that point.  So Art and I dissected what the feedback was and decided that I would redo the daycare arrangements answer and about the sob stroy of infertility, I am still up in the air on writing that out.  When we talked to the worker I told her I did the book the first time the way she wanted/reccommended, I mean she has been doing this for 14 years.  I mean I have honestly never worked on anything that hard in my entire life and now yet again it was not good enough.  Is anything good enough that I do?  Why even try?  I just throw my hands up.  I have nothing left.  I have an injured husband, a sick father, and now a broken heart.