Long Day

So I worked Tuesday from 7a-3p and then again from 11p-7a, I did go home and sleep a little in between.  So I don't know if this hostility is from lack of sleep or if I am truly upset today, lol.  Sent the adoption social worker an e-mail and no change at the agency besides yipee our pool of prospective adoptive parents is now larger.  Art's old buddy is having his first baby today, or suppose to be.  I do not know why their pregnancy has bothered me so much.  As I think more and more about it I think it's because when I first met Art I really latched on to this other couple and the wife and I talked about being pregnant together and raising our kids together.  If we had boys what it would be like have these two auto freak husbands and how our kids would have jacked up big wheels and it one was a girl and the other a boy that they would probably always be together so they would probably end up getting married.  Then we started separating, the house I wanted they bought (not their fault, they didn't even know) and then we both started talking about starting families around the same time and they became pregnant.  It seemed they were always one step ahead and everything comes so easy.  Now as they embark onto their new family, we are the last one's in Art's group of friend's to start a family.  If that were by choice then this wouldn't even be an issue but of course we are and nothing.
Of course the immature wife I am I always take it out on my husband, it is not his fault were infertile.  It is actual no one's fault and when we have our little angel none of this will matter but for now it does.  For now I think about how I want my baby, how are we going to afford this baby (once our baby/babies are paid for it will be time for college), and we have no couple friends.  We have each other and I love my husband to death but sometimes you want to gossip, talk girl talk, and go get a pedicure....not happening.
So as my Mother always told me not to take the weight of the world (aka what's bothering me) and take it out on family I must learn to do that with my poor husband.  It's not his fault were not millionaires, can't have babies, and we have no friends.....I need to start looking at myself and see what I can do to change all of these especially before blaming anyone or making them think I am.