Freaking Awesome!

So as you may know I have my good days and bad days well thank God I have this weekend downstate coming up.  Right before I leave work Monday morning a nurse asks if she can buy some eggs, I say yes and we chat about when we will both see each other and she says she won't be back until next week because she tries to work as little as possible since adopting her son.  I ask her how old is he and she says 3 years old, we fostered to adopt through Bethany.  I said really that is great, we are on the waiting list for domestic infant adoption through Child and Family Services but it's been 7 months and no infants.  She said they chose foster to adopt because through conversations with many people it was the quickest, I said there are no infants though.  She said they had two calls after their son was placed with them for infants.  I said really, she said there was a nurse on a different floor that actually fostered to adopt one of those two babies.
So same day I go to a 4-H meeting and this other leader brings her baby, we starting chatting and she asks where I work (I am in scrubs) and I tell her and she says I use to work there too up until we received him, she points to her son.  I said received, she proceeds to tell me we just adopted him through DHS.  I said really that is great bet that was a long time, she said they had two boys that they thought were going to be able to adopt but that didn't work out (the went back to Mom) and then their baby boy came to them, she said all in all 6 months.  She was proud as a peacock.  Two different people in the same day I talk to did foster to adopt.
I am now signed up to attend a foster to adopt orientation at our agency but also going to investigate Bethany's foster to adopt and DHS.  I don't know what else to do, 8 months is approaching and dear God have mercy on us during the holidays.  The holidays are absolutely the worst.  Christmas pictures, Christmas cards, cute baby outfits, cute toy & books, everyone excited to see the babies, babies being born, and everything possible babies, babies, babies.  I freaking hate the holidays, with a passion.  You know I am happy for everyone else that is having babies but it freaking tugs at my heart, ok!  I have to attend Thanksgiving knowing there are multiple pregnant women, some look at me like an outcast (even before this whole infertility thing) and some look at me like there is something wrong with me that I don't want infertility treatment but yet they don't know the whole story.  This is just frustrating, I swear if we could I would spend both holidays with just Art on a vacation somewhere, where we can be outcasts together and not see a lot of pregnant women or babies.  I am just frustrated, sad, and upset.  I know our baby is out there so please do not give me that response but it still hurts, I still feel like an outcast, and I want this all to end...